revivalproject | To talk or not to talk

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To talk or not to talk

WHO: Eddie and You
WHERE: Various places
WHAT: Post Hero City stuff
WHEN: Mid June
WARNINGS: Language and awkward conversations.

Eddie has had a rough month. When he found himself in the waiting room staring at everyone else as the memories flooded back into his mind, he wanted to find a corner and die. He'd turned into a bad guy. He'd hurt people... he couldn't meet anyone's eyes. As soon as the doors open, he fled. He went straight to the apartment he'd been staying in and just... stayed there. But he couldn't stay there forever.

Closed to Richie

Eddie had been worried about Richie. After what they'd been through, they should at least talk! So he tried to track down his friend. That... wasn't as easy as he expected. He'd find Richie somewhere. "Hey, Rich, do you have a..." Richie would scramble away while yelling some excuse about being needed somewhere. That happened several times before Eddie put two and two together and realized his friend was dodging him.

Son of a bitch...

He kept trying. "Hey, man, can we... no?..." "Dude, what's up, are you... okay... bye..." It was getting old.

At some point he had to catch the asshole. He spotted him and walked over, waving. "Richie! Hold up a second, please."

Deep End

He's not going to go on the network and beg for forgiveness. That's lame and he'd just rather move on with his life and pretend nothing happened. Except it did happen. He had memories from two different lives in his head and that was a lot to deal with. Taking a page out of Richie's book, he decided to drink. So he can be found at the Deep End pretty frequently, nursing a drink and trying to forget the monster he'd been.

Wildcard

Want to do something else? Go for it! He can be found around the city, so feel free to find him anywhere. Hit me up at

eternalferret or Discord at SupahFerret#0368 if you want to plot.

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Eddie almost rolls his eyes and fucks off when Richie comes out with that crack. But then he starts stumbling over his words and it's obvious that this is important. This is something he's been holding onto because he hadn't known how to say it.

He looks at Richie with concern, "Richie... are you trying to tell me that you're gay?" There's no judgement in his tone, he just wants to make sure he's understanding him correctly.

His stomach rolls so violently that he actually has to close his eyes against the nausea and breathe through his nose. There it is. Eddie knows. He said the word out loud. It's out there and he knows and Pennywise can fuck off with his 'dirty secret' nonsense.

But he still might throw up. Richie has to concentrate pretty hard to make sure that doesn't happen right there on Eddie's shoes as he slowly nods. His eyes are still closed.

"Yeah. Yeah, Eds. I'm gay."

Holy fuck, Richie really was terrified to tell him. Okay, maybe when they were kids it might have been a different story and his fear would have been valid. But now? For fuck's sake, he's not some asshole hick from Maine.

"Richie..." Eddie shakes his hand, trying to get him to open his eyes and look at him. "Richie, this doesn't change a fucking thing. You're still the same asshole Trashmouth." He pauses, blinking at him. "Is this... is this why you've been avoiding me?"

His eyes do open and they're red-ringed, wide, and completely terrified. Still, there is a certain amount of relief that crosses his face when Eddie starts saying it was alright. It fades at the end, though. He knows there's more he needs to say and he really will throw up if he tries to get that out.

"I mean. Kind of?" Not a lie. "In that world... I guess Billy took away my hang-ups? Or whatever it is that Pennywise taunted me with to make it seem so fucking scary? And then what do I do? I start fucking hitting on you and the spell makes you forget that you're not even into dudes, I guess. But like. I don't know? I didn't want to have to face it or deal with you being uncomfortable?"

His gaze drops again.

"I didn't want that to fuck up our friendship. I can't... Losing you again would kill me, Eds. It really would."

There's the crux of it. That's what Eddie was really wondering about. He wanted to know if Richie really cared about him like that... or if that was all just part of the illusion. They did click really well really fast... there had to be some reason for that, didn't there?

He thinks for a moment. "Honestly... I never thought about it. Growing up with my Ma, do you think I could have ever even thought about doing anything other than marrying a woman?" Pausing, he sighs, "Honestly, after what happened in that world... I'm not so sure anymore."

His eyes snap up and holds, mouth falling open.

"What?"

His heart thunders so loud in his ears that he can't even hear his own voice as he talks. He's pretty sure he's on the verge of complete cardiac failure but what a way to go!

"What do you mean by that?"

Eddie's face flushes. Shit... talking was his idea. Why does he suddenly feel like running away?! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Um... I mean..." His mouth is suddenly as dry as the Sahara. He swallows, trying not to sound like a fucking stupid teenager. "I mean... maybe I'm not as straight as I thought I was..." Wow, lame. "I... I really was happy being with you like that in the other world. I know that wasn't really us... but still... it made me think."

Eddie is taking all the risk, here. Richie knows already that he can't just come out and tell the other man about his lifetime of love (or...you know. Childhood and then a few days). But he can at least make sure Eddie isn't sticking his neck out all by himself and waiting to see what happens. Even if he is absolutely going to die right after.

"I... I was happy, too." He smiles a little, cheeks already red.

"I fucking hated not being able to talk but...I liked the rest of it. I was really, really happy. I haven't felt like that in a long ass time.

"Part of me kinda misses it."

There is a fuck ton of risk. Eddie knows it. He's risking losing his best friend... but something in him just can't let it go. It was the one fucking good thing of the whole experience and he can't just let it go.

He returns that smile, "Yeah, right? You not being able to talk. Musta been torture. You did pretty well with those napkins and your notebook, though."

He pauses for a moment, looking down. He has to be honest. He has to... Looking back up at Richie, he nods. "Me, too. On both counts."

Richie doesnt know what to say. His breathing is shallow and he feels sick from nerves but he also feels maybe the best he's ever been in his life.

"I'm an ex-cocaine addict," he says apropos of nothing before mentally cursing his lack of a filter. "I mean. That's something else I haven't told you. But. Uh. I used because it made me feel really good. Well, it made me feel something which was better than... Yeah."

He pulls Eddie's hand up by the wrist so he can press the man's palm to his racing heart. He hopes that can say the words he can't manage to get out.

"This is way, way better, Eds. Can I call you Kaspcaine?"

Eddie's eyebrows shoot up. That... Wasn't something he expected. But at least he's a former addict. But his next words are way more important than that little tidbit. He can't help but smile. When his hand is pressed against Richie's chest, his breath rushes out of his lungs in a sigh. It feels so intimate, something so unlike anything they'd ever done before. Truthfully, it's something unlike anything he'd ever done with anyone before. Even he and Myra hadn't been that intimate... Not really.

He smiles, "Not a chance. But this is definitely better than any drugs I've ever tried, too." Though his were legal.

Richie smiles, hope rushing through his veins. His head is floating away, light and buzzing. Might be because he can't get a full inhale of oxygen, but whatever. Who needs air? Air is stupid.

"So. Uh... What are we thinking, going forward? Is this... We keep flirting? Or... I mean. I think I owe you a date, maybe? Unless you wanna play the field a little, baby-gay. Or baby-bi. Whatever."

His thumb brushes over Eddie's pulse.

"What do you want?"

There was the $64,000 question. Eddie thinks about it for a moment. Then he wonders why he's even thinking about it. He's never thought of another guy this way. It's less about being with anotber guy and more about the fact that it's Richie. Richie knows him better than anyone. They've been close ever since they were kids, and he has no doubt they would've stayed that way had their minds not been fucked with. The tender touch just solidifies the thought in his mind.

"Richie... I don't want to play the field. How about we start with a date and see where it goes from there?"

Richie actually gives a little, half aborted hop in excitement as Eddie says that. "Really?" His face is broken in half with a grin. "Wait. Don't answer that. Don't think about it. I don't want you to change your mind. Yes! Yes, good plan. Awesome plan. You're as smart as you are tall."

He thinks about that a second and keeps blabbering on.

"Wait. No. Like that's not a dig. I call you short and you say you're not so that was, you know. Me agreeing? Kinda? To be nice? Fuck. Okay. I am bad at this. But yes. Date. A date. Which... Limited options right now but uh. Beach? Bar? Jungle adventure where I can maybe save your life from wild animals and hear you bitch about bugs? Shit. Okay. I mean. You do bitch but again, not a dig. I like it. Your bitching is cute. I mean. Fuck.

"I mentioned I'm not good at this, right?"

Eddie can't help it. He loses his shit and laughs his ass off. It's so weird to see Richie nervous, but it feels right. He's blabbering on and sounding more like himself and that's incredibly comforting. It feels like coming home.

"Beep beep, trash mouth." He's beaming, feeling happier than he has in months. Maybe years. "You're right. There aren't many options. How about you buy me a drink."

Richie loves the sound of Eddie's laugh. Even when it's at him. He giggles helplessly alongside him and shakes his head at the beep beep.

"I think I can manage that. How's tonight work for you? Or some other time?"

He thinks a moment and snorts another laugh.

"Fuck. What do I do in the meantime? Am I supposed to shake your hand and ignore you until then? This is fucking weird. I just wanna hang around my friend now that shit isn't weird... But then is this the start of the date?"

Eddie can't help but laugh along with him. Fuck, they must look like a pair of idiots. More than that, he doesn't give a shit. He's happy, and he likes seeing Richie this happy. That's what matters.

"I mean... we could start it now. Who the fuck says we can't?"

Richie is going to pull a muscle in his cheeks smiling this much. He loosens his grip on Eddie's hand and shifts his own lower, attempting to just... Hold Eddie's hand.

For a second he's reminded of pulling Eddie by the wrist in the sewers. He shakes the thought away as quick as it comes.

"Are you... Uh. I'm not exactly out and proud back home and you're a little gay-by. Is...this okay? We don't have to until you're ready. I'm not offended or anything if you wanna take PDA slow."

Eddie makes a face. "Oh Christ. A gay-by? Seriously?" But he laughs and lets Richie take his hand. It's weird... But strangely it feels right. Like when Richie took his hand at the bar at that fancy party.

"I don't know. I hadn't thought about that. But I guess it's okay. I think the only thing we'll have to worry about here is that kid saying 'I told you so.'"

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