Shit. He’s an asshole, isn’t he? A massive fucking asshole. Tommy’s hands clench under the water until finally he can’t take it. He reaches for the idiot and touches his arm because right in this moment that is a safe spot.
“I know. Trust me, I fucking know. When I first got to the shitty fucking place, I was lonely as hell. I was basically shut out of Billy’s life, and Teddy’s by extension. My parents I hadn’t seen since I got sent to juice the last time, Wanda avoided us, Vision did worse than that. I was all alone.”
Then he met David and got kidnapped to be used against his brother.
“I was alone and scared and couldn’t do anything I thought. There wasn’t even enough food for me to risk my powers much. The ships hadn’t really arrived yet, and it was all new and we were boned. Vision, my dad, he taught me how to start believing in me I guess.”
Something he had gotten bad at again with time.
“I tried so hard, to be what people would like so I wouldn’t be alone. And at least I was lucky and had Billy. We were together in it all. Until… until Teddy showed up and I realized how alone I was. Maybe that whole life there was because of that. Because I was alone. There you made me not alone, both in love and in friendship. You were everything.”
And now here came the big but. He was scared he was going to get lectured for it, so he rushed the words out in a sort of tumble that might have made someone else breathless.
“I don’t wanna be lonely either but that wasn’t here and me. It’s maybe who I could be, but I’m not him so I can’t grab what was his with both hands because maybe it’ll slip through my fingers and maybe that would be even worse. I want the person I know as my best friend and kissing you might shut that the fuck down because stupid weird awkward ‘I’ve seen his dick and slept with him and does that count as losing my virginity’ shit.”
no subject
“I know. Trust me, I fucking know. When I first got to the shitty fucking place, I was lonely as hell. I was basically shut out of Billy’s life, and Teddy’s by extension. My parents I hadn’t seen since I got sent to juice the last time, Wanda avoided us, Vision did worse than that. I was all alone.”
Then he met David and got kidnapped to be used against his brother.
“I was alone and scared and couldn’t do anything I thought. There wasn’t even enough food for me to risk my powers much. The ships hadn’t really arrived yet, and it was all new and we were boned. Vision, my dad, he taught me how to start believing in me I guess.”
Something he had gotten bad at again with time.
“I tried so hard, to be what people would like so I wouldn’t be alone. And at least I was lucky and had Billy. We were together in it all. Until… until Teddy showed up and I realized how alone I was. Maybe that whole life there was because of that. Because I was alone. There you made me not alone, both in love and in friendship. You were everything.”
And now here came the big but. He was scared he was going to get lectured for it, so he rushed the words out in a sort of tumble that might have made someone else breathless.
“I don’t wanna be lonely either but that wasn’t here and me. It’s maybe who I could be, but I’m not him so I can’t grab what was his with both hands because maybe it’ll slip through my fingers and maybe that would be even worse. I want the person I know as my best friend and kissing you might shut that the fuck down because stupid weird awkward ‘I’ve seen his dick and slept with him and does that count as losing my virginity’ shit.”