None of that really helped untangle which parts were the Fear and which parts were Jon, bringing a slow realization that Tony's agitation might be from the conflict of not wanting them to be distinct parts against very much wanting to be able to distance himself from the horrors he had revelled in. It would be much easier to think of Jon as a single whole, because there weren't just parts of him that Tony wanted to pick and prefer, it was all of him and some of that might have been this thing that chose him. Tony accepted his gesture on the table, watching their hands intently as he tangled one finger around one of Jon's. It wasn't like the finger came off, Tony still had the whole hand.

"You're not blaming yourself then, either," Tony declared, because Jon should have had no room for argument. Not that it was that easy or that Tony expected the declaration to just work; even hearing the assurance from Jon, he still blamed himself for what he did. It was hard not to when it was viscerally real, could feel the blood on his hands and still knew exactly how it felt to taste that fear like he could do it tomorrow and still sigh with satisfaction. The thought made him shiver, and he abruptly released Jon's hand again to let himself into Jon's pocket, retrieving the lighter. "Do you Know?" he asked.